Official Release..finally

jika kau dapat memahami hati seorang perindu, baru kau tahu derita hatiku. jika suatu hari nanti giliran kau merindu, baru kau ingt derita hatiku. segala yg berlaku bkan kemahuanku. apa gunanya bahagia bersamamu hanya untuk sementara waktu. aku pilih derita merinduimu.....

Then She.....

then she cries herself to sleep like the thousand nights before. though she knows she's in too deep.  she is strong for millions more. then she sings a melody of her heartbreaks and burning thorns. and she hums them truthfully. there the silence heard her mourns.is there anyone out there? would you lie to her you care? oh cruel, cruel nights. she thinks you are her only friend. don't you give ways for the lights. she found comfort in your hand. then she smiles to greet her dreams. if only life would be as kind with bunny rains and milky streams. cherry kisses and chocolate buns. then she prays to never wake up. cause her shivers wont stop the dawn. she fills her tears in a cup. and drinks them all while she mourns. is there anyone out there? would you lie to me you care?

Tentang Percaya?

kadang2 hidup sendirian di atas muka bumi ini

begitu menakutkan, begitu menyeramkan

kadang2 bila kita rasa semua org ada ramai di keliling kita

berapa org yang perasan sebenarnya kita derita?

terlalu susah untuk hidup sekarang

tersalah percaya, hah, habis kau diserang

kepercayaan itu sebenarnya sudah ilusi

dalam dunia ini kita sendiri...

sendiri..

tapi di sekali-sekala yang bila sudah berikan hati kita

kita rasakan

"hey, yang ini memang aku boleh percaya"

"aku begitu percaya"

diambilnya hati tadi

dan dibelah2 dikerat mati

dibiarkan kita terus sendiri

terbengkalai sendirian lagi

maka bagaimana untuk kita percayakan pada dunia bila dunia selalu membelakangkan kita?

lalu bagaimana kita mahu terus hidup bila tidak ada sesiapa yang mahu memujuk kita--

--di saat derita

--bila kita gelita?

lalu aku katakan pada diri yang dunia ini memang sebenarnya begitu jahat

aku hilang kemanusiaan dalam diri

aku biarkan benci terpahat

aku pandang semua dan aku kata

"tak akan ada yang ku percaya"

"yang pergi semua kan kena"

lalu sebelum dunia memaling pada aku, aku palingkan pada dunia itu

sebelum orang menghancurkan aku, aku hancurkan dia dulu

aku mengharap pada dunia akan terus pejus dan terus mati

tapi di dalam ;

aku sendiri..

kita sebenarnya bencikan sesuatu kerana kita terlalu cinta

tapi apalah makna cinta bila tidak ada yang mahu menjaganya?

KALAU SAYANG IBU, BACA LA...

Orang kata aku lahir dari perut mak!
(Bukan Org kata, memang betul)

Bila dahaga , yang susukan aku . Mak .
Bila lapar , yang suapkan aku , Mak .
Bila keseOrangan , yang sentiasa di sampingku , Mak .
Kata mak , perkataan pertama yang aku sebut , Mak .
Bila bangun tidur, aku cari , Mak .
Bila nangis , Orang pertama yang datang , Mak .
Bila nak bermanja, aku dekati , Mak .
Bila nak bergesel , aku duduk sebelah , Mak .
Bila sedih , yang bOleh memujukku hanya , Mak .
Bila nakal , yang memarahi aku , Mak .
Bila merajuk , yang memujukku cuma , Mak .
Bila melakukan kesalahan , yang paling cepat marah , Mak .
Bila takut , yang tenangkan aku , Mak .
Bila nak peluk , yang aku suka peluk , Mak .
Aku selalu teringatkan , Mak .
Bila sedih , aku mesti telefOn , Mak .
Bila serOnOk , Orang pertama aku nak beritahhu , Mak .
Bila bengang , aku suka luah pada , Mak .
Bila takut , aku selalu panggil , " Mmaaakkkk ! "
Bila sakit , Orang paling risau adalah , Mak .
Bila nak exam , Orang paling sibuk juga , Mak .
Bila buat hal , yang marah aku dulu , Mak .
Bila ada masalah , yang paling risau , Mak .
Yang masih peluk dan cium aku sampai hari ni , Mak .
Yang selalu masak makanan kegemaranku , Mak .
kalau balik ke kampung , yang selalu bekalkan ulam & lauk pauk , Mak .
Yang selalu simpan dan kemaskan barang barang aku , Mak .
Yang selalu berleter kat aku , Mak .
Yang selalu puji aku , Mak .
Yang selalu nasihat aku , Mak .

Bila nak kahwin , Orang pertama aku tunjuk dan rujuk , Mak .

Aku ada pasangan hidup sendiri .

Bila serOnOk , aku cari , Pasanganku .
Bila sedih , aku cari , Mak .
Bila berjaya , aku ceritakan pada , Pasanganku .
Bila gagal , aku ceritakan pada , Mak .
Bila bahagia , aku peluk erat , Pasanganku .
Bila berduka , aku peluk erat , Emakku .
Bila nak bercuti , aku bawa , Pasanganku .
Bila sibuk , aku hantar anak ke rumah , Mak .
Bila sambut valentine , Aku bagi hadiah pada Pasanganku !
Bila sambut hari ibu , aku cuma dapat ucapkan “ Selamat Hari Ibu ” !
Selalu , Aku ingat pasanganku !
Selalu , Mak ingat kat aku !
Bila-bila , Aku akan telefOn pasanganku !
Entah bila , aku nak telefOn mak !
Selalu , aku belikan hadiah untuk pasanganku !
Entah bila , aku nak belikan hadiah untuk emak !

Renungkan :

" Kalau kau sudah habis belajar dan berkerja , bOlehkah kau kirim wang untuk mak

" Mak bukan nak banyak , lima puluh ringgit sebulan pun cukuplah . "

Berderai air mata jika kita mendengarnya .

Tapi kalau mak sudah tiada .

" MAKKKKK ! RINDU MAK ! RINDU SANGAT ! "

Berapa ramai yang sanggup menyuapkan ibunya !
Berapa ramai yang sanggup mencuci muntah ibunya !
Berapa ramai yang sanggup mengantikan lampin ibunya !
Berapa ramai yang sanggup membersihkan najis ibunya !
Berapa ramai yang sanggup membuang ulat dan membersihkan luka kudis ibunya !
Berapa ramai yang sanggup berhenti kerja untuk menjaga ibunya !
Dan akhir sekali berapa ramai yang mengimamkan solat JENAZAH ibunya !

Sepertinya...

sepertinya aku ini jalan yang yang kosong

sepertinya aku ini kaca yang bolong

dan sepertinya tak ada siapa yang melihat aku di sini

dan sepertinya ada cahaya bila aku terus terbang tinggi ke atas langit jingga

sepertinya aku ini terhukum oleh tuhan kerna aku ini penuh dgn benci

sepertinya takkan ada sesiapa yang sudi bersama aku untuk memahami

sepertinya aku dipaksa untuk mati dan terus dihempas jatuh tak berkebumi

sepertinya takkan ada siapa pun yang sudi bersama menemani aku sampai pagi

kerna aku mahu sebenarnya ada peneman yang memeluk jiwa aku

yang meneman aku sampai biru

kerna aku begitu ingin merasakan dicinta seseorang itu

sepertinya aku ini bolong, kosong, lohong, semuanya

itu semuanya aku

kenapanya aku ini tak bisa untuk menyedari yang aku ini tetap bukan siapa2?

sepertinya..

sepertinya..

sepertinya aku ini debu yang tak punya harga apa

sepertinya aku angin yang tiada

sepertinya aku ini wujud tanpa adanya apa makna

maka untuk apa aku di sini?

Adakah??

" MISKIN tidak menghalang KEBAHAGIAAN. GAMBAR ini telah menceritakan segala-galanya...walaupun mereka hidup SUSAH tetapi mereka tetap BAHAGIA..." ♥

Moral of the story...

" Kasih sayang yang sebenar itu datang dari hati yang jujur dan ikhlas, bukan dari kemewahan yang melimpah ruah..." ♥

Teman Pengganti......

Ketawa bersama
Menangis bersama
Ku bersumpah harap kita
Mati pun bersama


Sejak dua menjak ini
Makin kerap ku diganggu visi
Bila celik, juga bila mimpi
Aku nampak kau, tapi bukan aku yang di sisi
Dia membelaimu dengan izin dan permisi
Sentuhan katanya semuanya kau iakan
Sentuhan jari kau diamkan dan biarkan
Aku redha walau tidak ku damba
Walau hampa semuanya dah dijangka

Beberapa purnama dulu cinta bertakhta
Kenangan dibina kita indah belaka
Ketawa bersama, menangis bersama
Ku bersumpah harap kita mati pun bersama
Namun hakikatnya, bukan mudah
Aku sembunyikan gulana-gundah
Segalanya kan berubah
Dengarkan apa yang ku mahu luah  

Rahsia ini... Telah lama ku pendamkan
Tiba masanya... Segala-galanya Ku ceritakan
Aku kan pergi... Pergi ku tak akan kembali
Tiba masanya... Kau cari teman pengganti

Dalam dunia yang maya, prejudis dan bias
Kita tak terlepas dari terkena tempias
Rimas, ditindas, sembunyi dalam puisi dan kias
Tidak kau bidas, tak berpaling walau sekilas
Hanya kau yang tahu kodeksku yang kompleks
Dalam disleksia cuba kekal dalam konteks
Bila dunia seolah tak memahami
Kau sudi selami, dalami dan mengalami

Setia mendengar, sentiasa hadir
Ingat setiap ulangtahun, setiap hari lahir
Tiba pagi Syawal, kaulah yang terawal
Syawal yang terakhir ini pasti rasa janggal
70 000 hijab harus ku singkap
Ku sorok kitab balik tingkap penjara hinggap
Dalam diam ada, seorang yang ku puja
Kau teristimewa tapi dia yang sempurna

Sejak dua menjak ini, ku mencari fungsi kewujudan 
Dalam persekitaran yang penuh kejumudan 
Terperangkap dalam jasad, ku keliru 
Mujur ada kau si peneutralisasi pilu 
Namun aku tetap murung, berkurung 
Tubuh makin susut, menunggu tarikh luput 
Komplikasi di halaman rusuk kiri 
Makin sukar nak bernafas, nak bergerak, nak berdiri 

Lagu ini yang terakhir aku sajikan 
Kalau rindu nanti bolehlah kau nyanyikan 
Jaga diri, jangan makan hati 
Yang patah kan tumbuh, yang hilang kan berganti 
Bilik dah ku kemas, katil dah ku rapi 
Cincin, kunci, dompet dalam laci 
Ada sikit wang, itu saja baki 
Moga-moga cukup untuk majlis itu nanti 
Aku kan pergi... Bertemu kekasih abadi 
Tiba masanya... Kau cari teman pengganti

Aku pernah alpa
Aku pernah lupa
Aku pernah terlena
Dibuai cahaya indah
Situku jadi megah
Tanpa bersusah payah
Tanpa aku menduga
Ku dalam leka

Rupa-rupanya cahaya itu hanya sementara
Suram mengambil tempat
Tersurat sudah tersirat
Yang ringan menjadi berat
Tamparan begitu hebat
Sekarang baru ku sedar
Setelah menempuh sukar
Ku mula berfikir setiap saat

Tolong sedarkan diriku
Dari noktah kian luput
Aku bimbang jumpa suatu waktu
Dan tak kenal siapa
Ku berharap kepadaMu
Berikan ku satu rasa
Yang memberi erti hidup ini
Harum indah seperti syurgaMu

Sekarang baru aku sedar setelah segala
Yang ku tempuhi liku-liku hidup yang menjalar
Suasana mencabar
Setiap daya akan ku pusatkan untuk
Untuk mencuba

Cuba mencari cahaya itu kembali
Biarpuan aku terpaksa menempuhinya sekali lagi
Kali ini aku akan lebih berhati-hati
Walapun aku terpaksa berlari atau meniti

Ku harungi dengan cekal
Pengalaman jadi bekal

Oh engkau yang menentukan
Apakah aku ini yang terakhir untuk ke syurgaMu

Married or not you should read this...

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up